


A Total Eclipse of Rationality

by Kairi_of_Knives



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 12:23:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20470979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kairi_of_Knives/pseuds/Kairi_of_Knives
Summary: Stupid thoughts like "if she were on our side, Hilda and Leonie wouldn't let her get away with not sleeping" started running through his mind. Dangerous thoughts. He'd already fucked up once by musing to her aloud a whimsy about her having picked him over Dimitri. She'd played that off with grace and a sad, but fond stare. His wounded ego throbbed at the thought of ripping his chest open again before her. And besides...it would be incredibly selfish of him to make her fragile state about him."Say, Byleth. Could I perhaps interest you in playing hooky with me tonight? I've gotta bottle of vintage wine with our names on it. And it would be nice to catch up a bit before we head our separate ways."-----After the Battle of Derdriu, Claude spends one last night with the professor he had been so mystified with and has one more plea for her.





	A Total Eclipse of Rationality

**Author's Note:**

> Playing the Blue Lions route was rough, man. I love Dimitri to hell and back, but the vibe was so different than the goofy, light-hearted Deer. And chapter 19 knew exactly how to hurt me and decided to not hold back at all. Sigh. The title is a reference to Crashing by Illenium. It's a good song. Was my writing fuel for this fic. 
> 
> A small disclaimer that I do happen to think the Lions route must have been extremely emotionally taxing for Byleth and I didn't feel like that Lions really addressed it well. So that sorta comes out in my writing of Claude's thoughts. Also I totally didn't edit this much, so please excuse typos.

The Battle of Derdriu would likely go down in history as a strategic miracle. Claude wasn't sure how authors would paint _him_, the extremely short term leader of the Alliance who responsible for its inevitable collapse and rejoining with the Kingdom, but he knew that historians would love that battle. It was almost like a romance, after all. The Alliance leader believed so deeply that the Kingdom forces would retake Fhirdiad, receive his desperate missive and arrive just in time to win the day with a pincer attack. Judith called him foolish, Dimitri called him a marvel. But Byleth? She seemed to be on the same page as him. It was evidently her confidence that Claude would hold out til they arrived that gave Dimitri the confidence to march so soon after a harrowing battle like the one at Fhirdiad. Claude would forever be grateful to her.

He knew his head should have been on more pressing topics. He had just announced the dissolution of the Alliance and needed to plan out his next moves once he returned home to Almyra. The King would likely have no shortage of critiques and jokes for him concerning his frankly lackluster time in Fodlan. Which meant he would need to find a different way to prove himself worthy of the throne. Yet all he could focus on as the Kingdom army bustled about preparing to rest in Derdriu for the night was the bags under the eyes of Byleth Eisner.

Claude was vividly aware of the fact that she hadn't been his professor per se, but even though she had chosen to lead the Blue Lions, he never felt like she was unapproachable. Many a time they would share a meal or tea together, just the same way she did with all her students. He had spent enough time around her to know that she was genuinely a good person, one worthy of the praise she was given. He cared about her well being, perhaps a bit too much if he were being really honest. Which was why he just couldn't let this observation pass without bringing it up.

"Teach, no....Byleth...when was the last time you got any real sleep?"

"I sleep." She sounded petulant rather than dismissive. "I slept just last night."

"Ok let me rephrase the question: when's the last time you slept in a bed for more than five or six hours?"

Her silence was all the answer he needed. When she did speak it was weak, an excuse she was not used to making. "We're at war. Most people don't get that luxury. Certainly not the tactician of an army."

Did no one in the Kingdom army have eyes? Had not a single person realized how run down and ragged she looked? No, Claude thought, picturing the exhaustion on every face at their last meeting. It would be very hard to single her out from a crowd of people with the same affliction. 

Stupid thoughts like "if she were on our side, Hilda and Leonie wouldn't let her get away with this" started running through his mind. Dangerous thoughts. He'd already fucked up once by musing to her aloud a whimsy about her having picked him over Dimitri. She'd played that off with grace and a sad, but fond stare. His wounded ego throbbed at the thought of ripping his chest open again before her. And besides...it would be incredibly selfish of him to make her fragile state about him. Claude thought Byleth had likely had enough of that from her Lions...

"Say, Byleth. Could I perhaps interest you in playing hooky with me tonight? I've gotta bottle of vintage wine with our names on it. And it would be nice to catch up a bit before we head our separate ways."

He couldn't deny that his heart sang when a smile graced her tired face and she agreed with zero hesitation. Claude let her get comfortable in the room House Riegan had set up for her, a grand suite away from the others in the family wing rather than the guest quarters, where the rest of her army was settling in. He brought a bottle of his favorite red wine and a basket of light snacks to her room, trying to convince himself that should she have changed her mind it would be of no consequence to him. And yet, the relief when she invited him in spoke enough to know that wasn't truly the case. There was no where he wanted to be this evening than on the small couch by the window, with great drink, food and the company he had desired for almost six years. Claude wasn't entirely sure what he himself had to gain from this evening, but he vowed to not let the opportunity to spend some time with her before he left go to waste.

They drank and laughed, oh gods, her laugh. His heart sang in his chest at every disbelieving giggle and helpless smile she gives him. He knew he was laying it on thick. His charm was dialed up to 100. But he felt honest about it for once. There's no ulterior motive behind his blatant flirting. Just a desire to see her smile more. Claude can only imagine how rare they must have been recently, dealing with Dimitri and playing counselor to all the emotional wounds of her past students. So what if he pries grins and chuckles from her like a thief in the night, clutches them to his chest as though they were a valuable treasure? The Lions would have the rest of her life to indulge in such wonders. 

Claude only had tonight.

It made him reckless. His goal going in really had been just to make her relax, help her sleep and chat a bit. The wine on his tongue dulled his restraint. The reverence in his voice as her name passed his lips was too honest. As was the excitement bubbling in his stomach when she moved closer, leaning into his shoulder conspiratorially as she shared a funny tale. Was it the alcohol that brought that flush to her cheeks? Was it wrong of him to hope that the spark in those mint green eyes was just for him? It was obvious that she wasn't sober, but it was also her venturing into his space, her bridging the gap between them. Only the Goddess knew when the last time she had been able to...relieve her very human desires was. The hand burning a mark into his thigh and the way her eyes lingered on his lips changed the game from a friendly bout of "do you, don't you" to a very high stakes round of chicken. Would it be so criminal to give in to her tonight? He only had just this one night after all. It wasn't selfish if she wanted it too, right? Just two old friends, a bit drunk and a bit tired, sharing a good time before moving on with their lives. No one had to know, he thought, fingertips tracing her cheek, cupping it's soft warmth like it was made to. No one had to know that this meant more to him than just a flippant, isolated fling. He could keep that part hidden and use the happy memory tonight would yield to sooth his broken heart during the walk of shame back home to Almyra. 

"Byleth," he called, just to feel the way her name slid off his tongue.

"Claude," she returned, face so close to his that her breath bounced off his lips.

"I don't particularly feel like going back to my quarters," he admitted, clever eyes searching for any shred of doubt or hesitation on her face. 

He found none. "I would prefer that you didn't. Leave, that is." 

The stable ember in his chest stoked into a smoldering fire. His heart pounded in his chest as he bumped his nose beseechingly against her own. "If that's the case, then...would it be too improper of me to ask to share your bed tonight?"

Calloused fingertips drifted to his jawline, thumbs rubbing through his beard with appreciation. "I would like that very much, Claude."

No he wasn't sober, but that first kiss was still magic. Their drunken states made them pliant, it was effortless to melt into her, dragging her into his lap. For a supposedly emotionless ex merc, Byleth kissed like a professional. Or maybe he just had skewed standards. Either way, there was nothing hesitant or bumbling about the way she sucked his moans right off his tongue. Their lips caressing each other gently sometimes, pressing desperately together others. By the time Byleth got the brilliant idea to experiment with teeth, Claude was already far more intoxicated on her than he ever had been on the wine.

The details were somewhat fuzzy. After some timeless period of kissing, Byleth had ripped her bodice and shirt from her chest, spilling oil on the fire already raging in Claude's loins. Not thoroughly enjoying the bared breasts he had spent more than a few of his nights at the academy fantasizing about would have been a sin. Though, he considered as he ran his tongue teasingly across one of her nipples, delighting in her gasp, would debauching the vessel of the Goddess herself not also be considered a sin? As he lavished her pale skin with bites, suckles and licks, panting hard when she grew impatient and started grinding against him just at the right angle to make his vision go hazy, Claude decided that he could get behind this religion. It certainly did feel like deliverance to swoop her up in his arms and make the challenging pilgrimage to her bed. No one could mistake him for anything less than pious as he stripped himself of his clothing burdens and knelt at the alter between her thighs. He dutifully worshiped his Goddess until she was singing praises to the heavens. And when she pushed him gently onto his back against the sheets, insisting that it was her turn to pay him retribution, he greedily accepted the sacrilege. Byleth's warmth swallowed him as she sat astride his lap, both parties only pausing to admire their connection before answering the primal call within them. Claude doubted he would ever forget the sting of her nails against his chest, or the way her breasts trembled with each eager roll of her hips. How her head tipped back in ecstasy as she lost herself in the sensation, just like he had lost himself in her. 

No. More accurately, he had found himself in her. He didn't believe in much, but this, she and him and how it felt to be with her...this was something he could believe in.

Claude could explain away the night of passion. Perhaps not the zeal and enthusiasm Byleth had shown him, that teased his aching heart in the most bittersweet way. Made him think dangerous things, like that maybe just maybe that meant something to her too. That he wasn't just the convenient beneficiary of her needing to blow off some steam. If pressed, Claude could also explain why he choose to curl up around her body when she had fallen asleep. How long had it been since she felt safe enough to truly rest? If his warm chest against her back and hand clasped between her own could grant her respite, it was too small a sacrifice to be worried over. Never mind that he had never, not since he was a very young child and still fell into sleep with his mother's gentle singing in his ear, ever slept that well. 

He had no explanation for the way he woke, feeling lazy and boneless in the sunlight peeking in the window, to sweet kisses on his cheeks, eyelids, nose. Nor did he have an excuse for how he returned that easy affection, tracing the evidence of their union last night with tongue, teeth and lips until Byleth's legs invited him between them once more. It was so mindless to roll over her, lock their lips in a deep kiss and press into her warmth again. The pace now was languid. That happy, lazy peace from when he had been first awakened remained over them like a blanket. Pleasure traced along Claude's spine like a caress but he felt no need to chase it. His only desire was to be as close to her as physically possible. To hear those breathy sighs, to rejoice in the smile he could taste on her lips as they kissed. It shocked him a bit when Byleth tightened around him, walls fluttering and eyes foggy with bliss as she came to orgasm. The unexpected sensation of it, plus the awe at seeing again just how stunning she was in the midst of her pleasure, dragged him over the edge with her. 

It was almost disappointing. The rush of physical bliss warred with the reality that this bubble of contentment and affection could pop at any moment now. No matter how happy Byleth appeared lounging in the circle of his arms, sleepily stroking his back, they would eventually have to rise and face their responsibilities once more. She would march with Dimitri to Enbarr. While he would go home with a heavy heart and lick his wounds. Hot tears pricked at the corners of his eyelids as he buried his face in her hair. Fuck. For the first time since coming to Fodlan, Claude cursed his dreams and ambitions. How simple it would be to throw them away and latch onto this woman. The world felt less cold with her at his side. Her affection (he would not call it love. If he did that, it was over) was the sweetest possible escape from the world of hatred and discrimination he so desperately wanted to dismantle. It would be so easy now, in this moment, to set down his burdens and chase a life with her. Dimitri would likely not contest his presence nor his assistance. He had craved a place there at her side, staring down foes with full confidence that they would be victorious. A confidence he had not felt since that first fight in Remire Village. 

But he couldn't. It just wasn't in him. Meeting Cyril, knowing how flawed his homeland was, he couldn't just abandon the vision he had. Claude had never been under the illusion that his path would be anything less than solitary and difficult. It did not matter. He had vowed he would walk that path, no matter how narrow and jagged. He would never truly know peace if he cast those ambitions aside now. 

"It's not like you to doubt yourself," Byleth mused, nails still scratching comfortingly over his shoulders. Claude huffed, amused at how well she could read him. Everyone at the academy had thought of him as mysterious and difficult to comprehend. Not Byleth. While she knew nothing of what his goals were, she trusted that they were noble ones. Had she joined him and the Golden Deer six years ago, how deep would that bond go? Would he have any secrets left from her? Claude doubted it.

"Heh. I guess not. But this war has forced me to change quite a lot of my world views. You guys coming to save me was backup plan K or L, at least. Was worried I'd have to go all the way down to plan Z."

Byleth hummed. "I did try my best to minimize fighting between us at Gronder. Even so, the Alliance lost many good men and women that day. Doesn't surprise me that that was enough to take you from point A to K."

Claude kept his face hidden in her hair. It gave him the courage (or arguably the stupidity) to admit, "Plan A was ruined the moment you chose the Blue Lions, Teach."

He wasn't sure what he expected her to say. It wasn't entirely fair of him to put it that way. They were so far beyond the point where his lamenting over her choice from six years ago would make a difference. But that choice did still sit heavily on his soul. It always would. "I think...I would have been happier in some ways, teaching you all." Claude's breath hitched, eyes widening. Whatever he was expecting...that wasn't it. "Is that awful of me to say?" Byleth chucked, nuzzling his neck a bit. "But it's true. Knowing what I know now, the way you all handle adversity would have been more than refreshing. I think I would feel more confident in my role, as both a tactician and a professor, with you all. But..."

This part he already knew. "But Dimitri." There was more to that sentence. Endings and predictions too terrible to speak aloud. Maybe she didn't fully believe it herself, but Byleth was certainly a large part of the reason their old friend was himself again. Claude had always had full confidence that Byleth's dogged support and gentle guidance would reach him. The prince had always been so smitten with her back in their academy days, after all.

Then again, so had Claude.

"Yes. But Dimitri," Byleth confirmed, wearily. "What ifs have never been my strong suit. Father raised me to dust myself off and move on from such an early age... it's instinct at this point. All we can do is try our best to make tomorrow something we won't regret."

"Tomorrow is a scary thought for someone at a crossroad. What if going down one path burns the other completely?"

Byleth giggled, pulling back to look him in the eye. Seeing her smile lightened the weight on his chest, if only a little bit. "Still always looking for an escape route, huh, little schemer?"

Claude nodded, brushing some of her hair behind her ear. "That was the instinct that I learned at an early age. Hard to kill old habits." He wondered what young Claude would have thought of young Byleth. They both grew up in harsh conditions, forced to find ways to protect themselves. While Claude grew clever, Byleth grew strong. Such a similar situation with different outcomes. He would have liked to think that finding a kindred spirit would have comforted him, that they would have been friends. And what a world of difference that would have made...

"If I were to suggest we travel to Brigid, right now...how would you suggest we get there?"

Claude blinked, perplexed by her unexpected question. "I mean, I could fly us on Josie. We'd probably have to stop at the monastery or somewhere in the Kingdom for a night though."

"Could we not also walk from here to Enbarr and take a ship? It would still involve stopping at some point. And fighting too. But could we manage it?"

"In theory," Claude agreed, starting to see her point. 

"I think life works a lot like that. No matter what house I selected to teach, we very likely would have still ended up fighting that day at Gronder. Edelgard would still have her beliefs, Dimitri his pain, you your ambition. Fire, oil, then water. Different path, same location. Even some of the same stops along the way. I don't think the future needs to be so black and white, when the present is only shown in shades of gray. Whatever location you're headed to, Claude, I firmly believe you'll make it there. No matter how many detours and stops you have to take."

The perfect teacher even now. Lifting him up when he was at his most defeated. How fitting. Claude couldn't help but laugh softly. "Not a matter of if, just a matter of when, huh? Not a bad way of looking at it. Thanks, Teach." 

That reassurance was enough to drag him from his comforting sanctuary, though it didn't chase away the chill on his bare skin without the warm press of her body to protect him. Claude dressed in silence, despising the somber tone in the room but not knowing how to dispel it. When he had busied his hands as much as was possible, he finally heaved a sigh and turned to face her, fake, charming smile planted on his face.

"Well, my dearest friend, I suppose this is goodbye. Thank you for everything. I won't soon forget what you've done for me."

His mask cracked a bit at the tear tracks making their way down her cheeks. No, he begged. Don't do that. Anything but that. If it were unrequited, a passing wonderful dream, he could leave. He could move on. But Byleth had the power to shatter all the barriers he had to erect, all the defenses and strength he had left. If she asked him now to stay, he would. Without a second thought. Gods, he truly had too much of his mother in him. 

"Claude." 

His heart skipped a beat, flimsy smile falling just a bit. "Yes, Byleth?"

"Once we defeat Edelgard, Fodlan will be one land, united under the banner of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus." Claude blinked. Byleth sat up against the headboard, gorgeously uncovered, tears in her eyes...and she wanted to talk politics? Nodding, he motioned for her to continue. "If the country as a whole were to change that much, then the Church of Seiros would need to change with it. I still don't fully believe that I am the best suited for such a task, but someone has to."

Claude hummed, pleased to hear that conclusion no matter how much he recognized that Byleth would likely hate this burden. "The people will trust you to do it. You are Rhea's appointed successor, after all. And a war hero. You're the only one who really can do it, frankly."

Byleth nodded, fingers playing with the corner of the sheets. "I know. I have some ideas already. Nothing too concrete yet. But Seteth said he would help me with whatever reforms I'd want to make. Mercedes will help as well. I'm hoping if we all work together it won't take too long. And when I'm satisfied, I plan to pick a successor myself and step down." She looked almost shy as she twiddled her fingers, gazing up at him through her eyelashes. Did she expect him to begrudge her for such a plan? It made perfect sense. Claude would never be so cruel as to sentence her to a lifetime of devotion to a cause she took up out of obligation, not genuine desire.

He went for a reaffirming tone as he praised, "That sounds like a marvelous plan, By. I'm sure you'll be amazing."

"Well," she continued. "I have been pretty sure about the stepping down part for awhile, but I've never really considered what I would do next. I've been thinking...I've never been to Almyra before. Maybe, when my job here in Fodlan is done, I'll journey out there. See what it's like."

There was something about the way she said Almyra. Like it was something important. Something recognizable. As far as he was concerned, he had been rather subtle about his origins. Half of his brain was in a tailspin of questioning when and how it was that Byleth learned that he was actually from Almyra.

The other half was still completely in disbelief.

"Just for a visit?" he prodded, heart racing so fast he could hear it.

Byleth's eyes twinkled, a clear sign of mischief and amusement. "Perhaps. I suppose it would depend on the locals. If I had a good host, I'm sure I'd have a pretty convincing reason to stay. That is...if you're amicable to that?"

Claude was known for his stunning grins that were as real and transparent as his words. That was to say, not at all. So few people had ever given him cause for genuine elation. He didn't trust easily, nor did he like making plans in life relying on anyone other than himself. In this very special case, he supposed he had no choice but to make an exception. The cheek splitting beam on his face was no trick, nor was the laughing joy in his words as he replied with the most honest thing he had said in awhile.

"My love, it would be my genuine pleasure."

**Author's Note:**

> Did I leave my Blue Lions Byleth unmarried, imagining that she ran off to Almyra after the Church was stable? HELL YEAH I DID. I did find it super interesting that the idea of united Fodlan occurs regardless of route. They all have such different means to that end though. And the end result is a vastly different tone as well. Blue Lions was an excellent play through, but man...I'm so happy to be playing the Deer again. 
> 
> Anyway. Let me know what you thought! I love hearing from y'all :)

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  * [理性全逝A Total Eclipse of Rationality](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20733887) by [yiyuqingye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yiyuqingye/pseuds/yiyuqingye)


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